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Turning The Tables: Role Reversal In Sex Play

Recently, within my research as a consultant here at Positive Passions I came across an interesting term known as “pegging.”  This is a practice in which one partner penetrates the other partner anally, usually using a strap on harness or a dildo.  This is becoming a more common and talked about practice for heterosexual couples who want to add role reversal to their sexual repertoire.  We often get questions at the shop about this subject, such as; does it feel good for him?  Does it hurt?  How do I approach my partner about anal play? Which toys should I use?

Why would I want to penetrate someone anally or be anally penetrated?

The anus contains a high concentration of nerve endings.  The prostate lies just beneath the bladder, it is about the size of a chestnut and can feel very good when stimulated.  Prostate stimulation can enhance regular penile orgasm and some men say it is a highly pleasurable activity.  The prostate swells when aroused so it is easier to locate when a man is turned on.  Pegging gives you an opportunity to experience role reversal, to feel more feminine or masculine and to explore your partner in a different way. Pegging can feel very pleasurable for the man as well as very empowering for the woman.

Use lubricant and plenty of it!

If you are interested in pegging it is important to take the necessary steps to find out about safe anal play and get familiar with the male sexual anatomy, especially the prostate gland.  Anal penetration can be intense at first, however, anal sex can be done without any pain but you need to listen to your body. The lining of the anus is very sensitive and can tear easily so Lubricant, Lubricant, Lubricant! Keeping a water based lubricant by the bed is always a good idea.  Do not rush into anal play, if you have never explored anal penetration, the first things to start off with are fingers.  If the fear of being unclean is something stopping you from anal play, remember that the rectum is very long, fecal matter does not stay in the first little bit of the anus, and feces only travel through the rectum on the way out of the body.  With that being said, if cleanliness is the only thing stopping you, have a shower or hot bath and go to the bathroom well before play. 

Communication is key…

If you cannot talk openly with your partner about anal play… then you are not ready to engage in any form of anal play.  You need to be able to talk about anal sex.  For many people it is a sensitive subject.  Both of you need to be relaxed, ready and really turned on… don’t just jump into anal penetration, it is a form of play that cannot be rushed.  Let him set the pace at first, get him to move while you stay still. Once he is comfortable with the pace of penetration, and lets you know that, then you can take the reins.  Always begin slowly— this where communication is important as he needs to be able to tell you what he wants and what feels good. Many men lose their erections when penetrated anally— this does not mean he is not turned on, but if something doesn’t feel good for him he needs to let you know.

Strap on a toy!

When you are ready to penetrate your partner anally, try choosing a toy both of you would want to use. Choosing the right strap on harness or dildo is something you can do together! Size and shape are important, this is where communication comes in handy.  Let your partner know if a toy is too big or too small, or even if you do not find it aesthetically pleasing.  This way you will choose a toy you know you will both want to use. We carry a variety of strap on harnesses and dildos that range in size. We also carry a “strapless” strap on called the Share, which is created for the female to insert into her vagina and penetrate her partner hands free.  Practice putting on your harness and wear it around to make sure you feel comfortable in it.

Anal sex toys are another great way to explore anal stimulation alone or with a partner.  Butt plugs are anal toys that are designed to stay in place and lightly stimulate the prostate.  They can give you a very different sensation during orgasm.  We carry a number of anal toys curved specifically for prostate stimulation. Some men like vibration against their prostrate and some don’t, so look for a variable speed anal toy so you can start at a lower vibration and work your way up.

If you have any questions or want more information about safe anal play visit us at the store or sign up to attend our anal play workshop Getting to the Bottom of it!  happening March 17th at 8:00pm.

By Crystal Wiens

Product Shown is the Sedeux Leather Couture Harness, available at Positive Passions.

WD says

"Great that you're educating people on this. A lot of straight men crave anal penetration, but fear how their partners will react--many women as well as men maintain stereotypes about men and anal play.

I would just add that rinsing out the rectum with a water-only enema eliminates any concern about cleanliness. It's so much easier to focus on the pleasure if the rectum is empty and fresh. Enemas also relax and stimulate the anus and sphincter, thus preparing the receiver for penetration. I suggest an enema bulb or disposable enema from the drugstore (but don't use the liquid those come with). "
posted on: May 21, 2013 12:46 PM

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