Oral Sex for Women

Cunnilingus is the fine art of making love to a vulva and vagina with your mouth and tongue. It is a delicate skill, requiring patience, practice, and dedication to get it right, but any woman you learn to do it right for will appreciate you all the more for it.

What applies to the penis applies to the vulva — every one is different, requiring a different touch to make its owner happy. But few tools can equal the tongue for the amount of pleasure it can deliver to a happy vagina.

This section assumes that you know what a vulva looks like and can identify with some precision the mons veneris, labia majora, clitoral hood, clitoris, crura, labia minora, urethra, vagina, and perineum, to name them (approximately) from top to bottom. If you are unsure, first refer to the diagrams in Practical Details.

Don't go after the clitoris like a fireman attacking a fire. Quite often at first, the clitoral glans is far too sensitive for direct stimulation. Lick around it, stimulating the hood and the crura, teasing her inner labia, tasting her. Take your time and listen to her. Some women make noise, and some do not. It will be a while before you learn exactly what your lover prefers as far as oral sex is concerned.

Some women may like additional stimulation — a finger or two into the vagina, or perhaps even the anus. She may want your hands to reach up and play with her breasts, or she may want your fingers to hold her labia apart so that your tongue can get at her vulva more directly.

As a woman nears her climax, she may want more direct stimulation. In general, fast, rhythmic stimulation is most effective at causing climax — but there shouldn't be a rush to get there. Take your time and learn to appreciate what you can do for her.

If the taste or smell bothers you or is a concern, ask her to wash first. Most people who enjoy cunnilingus agree that a clean vagina is a good, if acquired, taste. Some people are particularly turned off at the suggestion of cunnilingus during menstruation. If it is a concern to you, then wait. A tampon may well hold the blood back, as will a diaphragm or menstrual cup, but some people can't stand the taste anyway. If your partner is healthy, however, there is no particular danger in menstrual blood, and some women find that orgasms during their periods alleviate cramps or are more intensely satisfying than at other times during their cycle. However, it is important to note that there is a minimal risk of transmitting HIV through contact with menstrual blood.


Oral Sex for Men

Fellatio, giving head, giving a blow-job: Many men love this kind of stimulation, and many people, both women and men, like giving it. Fellatio is the act of applying your lips to a man's penis with the purpose of giving him pleasure.

There are few tips to fellatio that can be given other than "practice". The lips and the tongue are the major sources of stimulation, and it is with the lips and tongue that you should apply the attention to make him feel good. Both men and women respond well to pressure and rhythm. A steady, strong stroke will be enough to get the reaction you're looking for.

This section assumes that you know what a penis looks like and can identify the corona, frenulum, and scrotum. If you are unsure, first review Practical Details.

Every penis is different, and each has its sensitive spots and its preferred ways of being handled. Generally, the corona and frenulum are more sensitive than the base of the shaft of the penis. Listen to your lover. The sounds he makes and the feel of his body tensing are your best clues that you're going this right. Don't be afraid to ask him for specific spots to lick, kiss, or suck — each man has his own preferences.

Feel free to grasp with your hands whatever of the penis you can't fit into your mouth. As you slide your mouth off the penis, following behind with the hand allows you to linger on the corona longer and with a slightly different sort of pressure. Many men like as much stimulation as possible, and the feel of a wet mouth and a saliva-slicked hand are enough to send them to the brink of orgasm very quickly. Some men like the feel of a hand gently "hugging" their scrotum; some like to be gently stroked with a wet finger down the length of the perineum. Some men may like the additional stimulation of a finger or two in the anus.
Some people feel that the best position to perform oral sex is the 69 position, where each partner lies with their head by the other's genitals. For fellatio, this even makes sense — most penises curve upwards, towards the head, and in this position that curve matches the curve of the throat. However, it is difficult to both perform and appreciate oral sex at the same time. Try the position, or kneel by his body, but at least in the beginning do one thing at a time.

Deep throating is the act of taking the penis down past your gag reflex. In reality, this particular sexual adventure is very overrated. The best way to give fellatio is still with the lips and tongue, taking only as much as you can without gagging. However, for those that want to know, the basic lesson is still "practice". Take the penis as far as you can without choking, and then close your eyes and concentrate, taking each quarter inch, telling yourself that you won't choke, that you can take it out at any time, and slowly swallow it down. Then rise off of it just as slowly.

If the smell isn't something you enjoy, then tell him to go take a shower! While this is something you're doing primarily for his pleasure, that doesn't mean you have to suffer if he's lacking in hygiene. And if you're worried about germs, your mouth has millions more germs than a clean penis.

Macrobiotic nutritionists have actually done research on the question of whether it is possible to make semen taste better (or different), and the answer is in: you are what you eat. Common sense dictates that if you taste good, your lover will want to eat you more often, so improving your body's taste and smell should be important to you. In general, nutritionists say that alkaline-based foods such as meats and fish produce a buttery, fish taste. Dairy products, which contain a high bacterial putrefaction level, create the foulest tasting fluids by far. Acidic foods such as sweets, fruits, and alcohol give bodily fluids a pleasant, sugary flavor. Chemically processed liquors will cause an extremely acidic taste, however, so if you're going to drink alcohol, drink high-quality, naturally fermented beers or sake.

This brings us to an often “sensitive” issue: swallowing ejaculate. For many men, this is important to them — they like to feel that by swallowing their semen, you complete this act of lovemaking and accept a part of themselves into your body. But many people don't like the taste of semen and can't bring themselves. Talk about this beforehand — let him know if you can't handle it, and that it's not personal.


Female G-spot and Ejaculation

Female ejaculation (colloquially known as squirting or gushing) refers to the expulsion of noticeable amounts of clear fluid, always from the urethra during sexual stimulation at or near orgasm. Female ejaculation is accomplished by stimulation of the g-spot (the urethral sponge, named after Dr. Ernest Gräfenberg), an area on the front vaginal wall. More rarely, it can be accomplished through external stimulation of the clitoris alone, the internal tissue of the clitoris then contracting and stimulating the urethral tissue.

The Gräfenberg spot, or G-spot, is a small area in the genital area of women behind the pubic bone and surrounding the urethra. When this spot, located inside the vaginal wall, is stroked, there is a sensation or urge to urinate, but if the stroking is continued during sexual arousal it can be sexually pleasurable. For some women, it can be a primary source of stimulation leading to orgasm during intercourse while having sex in positions that use the penis to stimulate the frontal wall of the vagina. In such positions, it is usually the angle of penetration, so that the penis makes direct contact with the front of the vaginal wall, which induces this stimulation. Because of its hard to reach location and its role in sexual stimulation, some people employ g-spot vibrators for better stimulation.

Women do not have an exact equivalent of the male prostate gland, an essential part of the male reproductive system. They do, however, have structures which are homologous to the male prostate, this meaning that they have developed from the same embryonic tissue. (The testicles of the male and the ovaries of the female are also homologous.) These are called para-urethral glands or Skene’s glands – although the term ‘Skene’s glands’ is often reserved for the two para-urethral glands closest to the opening of the urethra. They are there because, for the first weeks in development, the male and female embryos are not yet differentiated. The size and structure of the para-urethral glands varies relatively considerably, it seems, from woman to woman. The fluid they produce is similar to that produced by the male prostate and, as in the male, passes into the urethra – and in some cases may pass into the vagina. The glands fill with fluid during sexual arousal and may be felt through the vaginal wall. The swelling of the tissue surrounding the urethra may be a combination of the glands filling with fluid and of the swelling of the woman’s erectile tissue, the corpus spongiosum, which latter, in the male, gives a man his erection. Swelling of the non-visible part of the clitoris will also be evident.

It is, it seems, the rhythmic contractions of pelvic muscle during orgasm which expel the accumulated fluid as at least one constituent of female ejaculation. The amount of fluid released can be considerable, through repeated filling and emptying of the glands during orgasm.

Female ejaculation is not a new concept. The Greek philosopher Aristotle noted its existence, Galen (2nd century) described the female prostate, the Italian anatomist Renaldus Columbus referred to female ejaculate while he was explaining the function of the clitoris and in the 17th century, the Dutch anatomist Regnier de Graaf wrote a book about female anatomy and spoke of female fluid "rushing out" and "coming in one gush" during sexual excitement.

Up until the 1980s female ejaculation was largely ignored by the medical community. At that time the subject resurfaced with the bestselling book "The G-Spot" by Drs. Ladas, Whipple and Perry. The book not only addressed the validity of the g-spot but brought female ejaculation to the forefront of women's sexual health inside the medical community. While many in the medical and scientific communities are now acknowledging the existence of female ejaculation, there remains a large void when it comes to solid scientific data explaining the process of ejaculation in females or the source of the fluid itself.


Anal Sex

Anal eroticism is surrounded by a powerful taboo. Yet millions of men and women — straight, gay and bisexual — are experimenting with anal sex. The anus, richly endowed with nerve endings and interconnected with the main pelvic muscles, is the closest erogenous neighbor of the genitals and contracts rhythmically during orgasm. Thirty-five years ago, Kinsey stated that the anal region had erotic significance for about half of the population. In a survey of 100,000 Playboy readers, 47 percent of the men and 61 percent of the women admitted to having tried anal intercourse. Yet the anal taboo inhibits most people from thinking, talking, and learning about the sexual use of the anus.

Listed here are the ten things most men and women still do not know about anal sex:

1. Anal intercourse is the least practiced form of anal sex.

There are many ways to enjoy the anus erotically. The most common techniques include touching the anal opening while masturbating or stimulating a partner's anus during intercourse or oral sex. Some people enjoy the sensation of a finger — their own or a lover's — insinuated into their anal opening and gently rotated. Others may prefer the insertion of a dildo or vibrator beyond the anal opening and short anal canal into the larger rectum. Many men, including heterosexuals, prefer this form of penetration. Oral-anal lovemaking is popularly known as rimming. The very idea disgusts some people. Others enjoy performing it or allowing themselves to be probed in this special way.

2. Anal stimulation, including intercourse, is not painful if done properly.

The belief that anal stimulation, especially intercourse, has to hurt is a persistent and dangerous myth. Just as pain anywhere in the body indicates that something is wrong, so is the same true of the anal area. With its high concentration of nerve endings, the anus can produce extreme agony when it is mistreated. Yet it can be a source of great pleasure.
When a finger, object or penis is introduced into the anus, the anal muscles go into spasm, as if fighting off an invasion. Pain will result if the partners do not wait for these muscles to relax. Under sufficient stress they will eventually collapse and the pain will subside, unless further damage is done. But, any 'pleasure' afforded from this kind of activity derives mostly from the absence of discomfort.

Maximum anal pleasure requires the elimination of all pain or physical trauma from the anal experience. Self-protection on the part of the passive partner involves being ready to say "no" until he or she is ready to proceed. Readiness is a combination of physical relaxation, usually helped along by plenty of leisurely anal touching, and desire. Occasionally the anal muscles are relaxed, but the passive partner is still not in the mood. Stimulation should mount only in proportion to the degree of receptivity.

3. Anal sex can be enjoyed even if it has been consistently uncomfortable in the past.

Sufficient desire alone does not necessarily guarantee pleasurable anal sex. Nor is an uncomfortable previous experience always the reason for a lack of interest in or desire for anal sex. Chronic anal tension is the most common cause of anal discomfort during sex. Hemorrhoids and constipation are usually signs of this condition. Tension can be relieved by touching the anus and becoming more familiar with it. An ideal time to explore the anal opening is while taking a shower or bath. Deep breathing also affects the anal muscles. Tensing the anus and the letting go is another way of learning to relax it. Anyone who enjoys masturbation might want to experiment with some form of anal stimulation, though he or she should stop if any discomfort occurs.

For many people the turning point in anal sex is when they allow a partner to massage the anus with the understanding that intercourse will not be attempted. Then the recipient of anal caresses can concentrate solely on the pleasure that this erogenous zone is capable of generating.

4. Two muscle rings called sphincters surround the anal opening. Each functions independently.

If you insert a finger about one half-inch into your anus and press your fingertip against the side, you can clearly feel the two sphincter muscles. There is less than a quarter-inch between them. The external sphincter is controlled by the central nervous system — just like the muscles of the hand, for example. You can readily tense and relax this sphincter whenever you want.

The internal sphincter is quite different. This muscle is controlled by the involuntary or autonomic part of the nervous system, which governs such functions as heartbeat and stress response. The internal sphincter reflects and responds to fear and anxiety during anal sex. It will cause the anus to tense up automatically even if the passive partner is trying to relax. Thus, precautions about safety and comfort are essential here.

Even if a person does feel comfortable during anal sex, he or she may still need to learn voluntary control over his or her internal sphincter in order to relax it at will. Doing so requires regularly inserting a finger, perhaps in the shower each day, and feeling the internal sphincter. The muscle changes spontaneously and in response to behavior. In this instance, simply paying attention is more important than trying to relax. Anyone can gradually learn to control the internal sphincter at will.

5. Anal stimulation provides many kinds of pleasure.

The highest concentration of nerve endings is around the anal opening itself. A finger can focus on them especially effectively. When an object or penis is inserted beyond the anal opening into the rectum, other pleasures are involved. The outer portion of the rectum, like the vagina, has several nerve endings. The inner portion responds mostly to pressure.
Some people enjoy the feelings of pressure and fullness once they understand that these sensations do not presage an impending bowel movement. Rectal pressure is especially important to enthusiasts of "fisting," a form of anal sex in which several fingers or even the entire hand and forearm are inserted into the rectum and sometimes into the lower colon.
In men, the prostate — which is just beyond the rectal wall, a few inches in, towards the front of the body — can be a source of pleasure when massaged by a finger, an object, or a penis.
Also, the lower end of the penis, or "bulb," is near the anal opening. It is stimulated indirectly by most types of anal sex.

Anal pleasure can be psychological as well as physical. The anal taboo adds to the thrill of the forbidden. The most common anti-anal message (it's dirty!) sometimes returns as a source of raunchy, sleazy excitement. Rimming enthusiasts may enjoy the feeling that they are being disgustingly — and delightfully — perverse. Other people regard the anus as a secret, special place. Sharing it with a partner is an act of openness and giving.

6. Anal stimulation can lead to orgasm.

A minority of men and women can respond orgasmically to anal sex without direct genital stimulation. Women probably do so through pelvic muscle contractions — and a small minority even though the sheer excitement of being anally penetrated. When men experience an orgasm from anal stimulation, they tend to focus on the prostate. No doubt they are also responding to indirect stimulation of the penile bulb.

Orgasms from anal stimulation are most likely to occur when the participants become thoroughly absorbed in their sensations and fantasies. An almost certain way to prevent such an orgasm is to be become determined to have one. Seeking an anal orgasm will create new pressures and disrupt the pleasure. It must be remembered that most people require direct genital stimulation in order to climax. On the other hand, a few people have orgasms only with anal stimulation.

7. Diet contributes to the enjoyment of anal sex.

Regular bowel movements are the major function of the anus and rectum. There must be sufficient fiber in a person's diet to make his or her feces soft, bulky and well formed. This allows a bowel movement to be produced without force or effort. Forced evacuations irritate anal tissues, causing discomfort and adding to muscular tensions. Fresh fruits, vegetables, whole grains or unprocessed bran are important sources of fiber.

8. Different rules of hygiene apply to the vagina and rectum.

Since intercourse can be vaginal or rectal, many people assume the same rules apply for the penetration of the vagina and rectum. Although both are lined with soft tissue and are capable of expanding, they are radically dissimilar.

The rectum is not straight. After the short anal canal which connects the anal opening to the rectum, the rectum tilts toward the front of the body. A few inches in, it curves back — sometimes as much as 90 degrees. Then, after a few more inches, it swoops toward the front of the body once again. A person can learn about the shape of his or her rectum by gently inserting a soft object, trying different angles and body positions and concentrating on how it feels. Make sure the object has a flared base so that if you loose your grip, it won't slip into the rectum and become irretrievable.

The rectum does not produce lubrication like the vagina but only a small amount of mucus. Therefore, rectal penetration always requires a lubricant. Chemical additives should be avoided. Water-based lubricants are latex-compatible.

The main function of the rectum is to act as a passageway for feces. But feces are not normally stored in the rectum except just prior to a bowel movement. Yet small amounts may remain in the rectum, especially if the feces are not well formed. Anal douching before lovemaking will help some people especially concerned with cleanliness to relax. For others the idea of dirtiness heightens the joy of the forbidden; for them, douching is anti-erotic.

9. Anal intercourse is not necessarily an act of dominance and submission.

The top-bottom imagery associated with anal intercourse is widespread. No doubt the belief that anal sex has to hurt contributes to this notion. And in fact some people are intensely excited by top-bottom fantasies about anal sex. The thought that they are submitting to such a degrading act is a terrific thrill. However, actual, not fantasized, anal pain can lead to trouble.

For others, the enjoyment of anal sex is inhibited by top-bottom imagery. The idea of surrendering control, and perhaps submitting to humiliation, causes immediate, protective tensing of the anal muscles. These individuals are more likely to relax and enjoy themselves if they can learn to regard anal sex as pleasurable rather than as an expression of power.

10. Anal sex can be perfectly safe, even beneficial.

The taboo against anal eroticism is perpetuated by the almost universal belief among physicians that anal sex is inevitably dangerous. No physical injury from anal stimulation results if both partners refuse to tolerate pain, never use force, and avoid the use of drugs.
All the other risks center on sexually transmitted diseases. Each of the common STIs - gonorrhea, syphilis, and herpes — can affect the anus. Intestinal parasites, bacteria, or tiny bugs are usually passed along when fecal matter finds its way into someone's mouth or vagina, most likely through rimming.

AIDS has complicated the matter. HIV can pass from the semen or blood of an infected person to the bloodstream of a partner through a tiny break in the rectal tissue during anal intercourse. To avoid this risk, anal intercourse and rimming should not be practiced casually. Those who do enjoy anal intercourse should always use a condom. Rimming should always be accomplished by a latex barrier. Of course, in a monogamous relationship with two healthy people, the risk of disease transmitted anally is reduced.


Fluid Play

Urine

Although more properly called urolagnia, most people refer to this particular realm of sexual kink as "golden showers" or “watersports”. As the name implies, the most common form such play takes is for one partner to urinate in such a way that the other partner can see and or feel the "golden shower" of urine.

Interestingly enough, many people regard golden showers as one of the most taboo of sexual acts, second only to sex play that specifically revolves around feces. Inevitably, however, whenever people want to make sex a little spicier, they head right for the forbidden fruit. Getting pleasure from that which is naughty is a powerful act. From earliest childhood we accumulate a growing list of things that we want to do — because they are pleasurable or interesting — that we are expressly forbidden to do because they are messy, dangerous, annoying, unhealthy, or morally prohibited — according to someone else, usually a parent, teacher, or older sibling.

Of course, there are many people who engage in watersports with very little shame at all. Simply put, not everyone views pee as dirty and shameful. For some it is simply natural, and the sensations (visual and sensual) that it creates are normal and innocent.

Feces

Coprophilia, also known as 'scat', fecophilia, fecalphilia or coprolagnia, is the paraphilia involving sexual pleasure through human feces, or rather to its excretion. Coprophilia is the attraction to the smell, taste, texture or sight of the act of defecation as a primary means of sexual arousal and gratification. Erotic fulfillment with excrement may be practiced alone or with a sexual partner. A common slang term for this is scat sex. Except in the case of consuming feces, generally scat play is safe when played alone and safe with a partner if one uses protection so as not to come in direct contact with a partner's excrement. Women must be particularly cautious, as fecal bacteria are a prime cause of UTIs and vaginal infections.

Some coprophiliacs engage in coprophagia, the eating of feces. This is a potentially hazardous activity due to the risks of bacterial infection. Consuming one's own feces could have potentially harmful consequences, as the bowel bacteria are not necessarily safe to ingest, though it is not as risky as eating a partner's feces. These risks include viral hepatitis and parasitic intestinal infections such as giardiasis, cryptosporidiosis, shigellosis, amebiasis and campylobacter.

Those with weakened immune systems should certainly abstain from mucous membrane contact with stool.

Blood

A blood fetish (also known as vampire fetish, hematolagnia and haematophilia) is a sexual fetish for blood. Blood fetishists are most often aroused by blood on nude or semi-nude individuals (or indeed their sexual partner). Other blood fetishists are aroused simply by the sight of blood. Witnessing accidental or intentional cuts or blood donating are good examples. Only extreme cases are turned on while viewing an extremely gruesome scene. Blood fetishism is often accompanied by some licking or drinking blood through bloodletting. This is sometimes done by biting (referred to as "love-bites" though they are technically not) however this is not the norm due to the potential for damage from bruising or infection. Most often a razor blade is used. As well as being a sexual fetish, it is often considered an expression of intimacy or bonding.

There is a substantial community centered around the fetish, however it is mostly "underground" due to its controversial nature. It is partly linked with the vampire subculture, however most blood fetishists do not consider themselves "vampires", though some may have a vampire fetish — blood fetishism has a history of being referred to as "vampirism" in psychiatric literature and articles.

Bloodsports or bloodplay are general terms used for any sexual or BDSM play involving blood. It is considered “edgeplay” due to its nature of being able to easily spread blood borne diseases. It is also possible, although rare, to cut the person too deeply and cause them to bleed excessively.

There is also menstrual fetish, which focuses on menstruating women, either having their periods without blocking the flow of blood, or even focusing on used tampons. Some enjoy performing cunnilingus on their menstruating partners. The same can be said for the female; the genital area is often more responsive to stimulation during menstruation and orgasms can be more intense.

Breast Milk

Many couples enjoy the added element that lactating breasts add to sexual play and except in a few special circumstances this practice should be safe for you, your partner and your baby.

The most common special instance during which one would discourage this practice is when mother, partner or baby has an active yeast infection. If anyone in the family is suffering from a yeast infection it should be treated and resolved before oral-breast contact occurs.
Another somewhat common condition that may preclude oral-breast contact between sexual partners is an active herpes infection. Herpes can be transmitted via kissing, sexual intercourse, or any close human contact, especially contact involving mucosal surfaces. There have been cases reported of toddlers with active herpes lesions of the mouth spreading herpes to the mother's breast via breastfeeding.

If you are concerned about the impact on your milk supply, you needn't worry. Your body will make the amount of milk it is called on to make. If your partner takes some of the milk your body will quickly replace it, there is no danger that your baby will not receive adequate milk because of this practice. Most experienced parents find that feeding the baby prior to initiating sex helps to ensure adequate time to enjoy each other without needing to attend to the baby.