Ready, Set, Orgasm!

The question is, why is orgasm the “be all, end all,” of sex?  Is sex really a race to the finish line and is orgasm the final prize?

Orgasm = Good Sex

I’ve noticed that the standard sexual endeavor usually plays out as “I had an orgasm now you have an orgasm and sex is complete.”  I think many people put too much pressure on their partners and themselves to experience this sexual holy grail. This pressure can actually make it harder to have an orgasm because your brain is your biggest sexual organ and if all you can think about the entire time is trying to get your partner to orgasm or trying to orgasm yourself you may find that you just can’t get there. It is very important to relax and enjoy the sexual experience and by doing this you can create more intimacy, and have an amazing sexual experience!

Just because you or your partner didn’t have an orgasm during intercourse does not mean you didn’t have great sex! Orgasms don’t come easy for everyone, especially when we have been raised with little sexual knowledge about orgasm, so why put so much pressure on yourself?

Many people say sex gets better when you get older and here’s why; as we age our body slows down, this includes our sexual response system. Partners then need to take more time to stimulate and explore each other. Men may take longer to ejaculate or may not need to ejaculate at all which can take a lot of pressure off the need to have an orgasm and can actually make lovemaking more enjoyable. Women will often need even more direct stimulation to become aroused, so more focus is paid to foreplay, intimacy, and sensuality than to penetration and orgasm.

Foreplay is Sex! 

It seems as though when people think of foreplay, they think of direct physical stimulation, kissing, oral sex, touching, mutual masturbation. Take time to be sensual, take baths, massage each other, explore each other's body, or just go out and have a date together and have fun with no expectations. By not making orgasm the reason for sex you will have the opportunity to relax and enjoy each other, pressure free. Foreplay is different for everyone, what you may consider foreplay, another may not, there is no universal definition of what foreplay is so decide for yourself what is good foreplay and see what you enjoy!

Take the time to explore your partner and connect emotionally as well as physically. Create a little intimacy by slowing down and exploring each other emotionally as well as physically.  Don’t put so much pressure on achieving orgasm, because you can experience a very different sexual and sensual pleasure without orgasm. Orgasm is not something you achieve - it’s something you experience.

Sex can still be great with or without an orgasm!

Let’s face it - orgasms are wonderful, but making them the sole reason to engage in sexual intercourse can be discouraging, especially if you are putting pressure on yourself or your partner to have one. For many women intercourse alone is not enough to reach orgasm, so foreplay is not only fun but necessary. If you put pressure on yourself to orgasm and you don’t, you or your partner may feel like you somehow failed at sex. So then the next time you have sex you worry you may not be able to orgasm and this can create a cycle and make it very difficult to have an orgasm at all … wow that is a lot of pressure!

If you or your partner is unable to reach orgasm in sexual play this does not mean there is anything wrong with you, try enjoying each other sexually without being overly focused on orgasm as the final goal.  Enjoyment, stress relief, intimacy, and pleasure should be your goal.

Remember vibrators can be used on more areas than just the genitals, use your toy to stimulate other areas of the body, neck, back, butt, shoulders, legs.. etc. Discreet, quiet, attractive toys like the Lelo or We-Vibe products take away a great deal of the intimidation that some experience using personal massagers.

Sex is more than a race to have an orgasm! Enjoy the sexual experience, don’t focus on orgasm as the end result. Focus on the sensual experience itself. Explore different intimate techniques with your partner and you might be pleasantly surprised!

There are many different orgasms a person can experience. If you want to know more about orgasms join our Coming Together Orgasm workshop to learn tips and techniques about intimacy, orgasms, and sensation play! We also have Tantric workshops. Tantra is a great way to balance energy and create more intimacy in your relationship. Tantra is the connection of body to spirit through our sexual or life force energy.  Sign up online or call us at the store to register!

By the Positive Passions Team