Things to Say During Sex

“Oh”

“Oh, baby!”

“Oh my God”

Classics go-to’s. However out of breath and speechless you may become during love making, there is a whole world of speech and vocal variety to lend spice, intimacy, and play to your sexy moments. If you’re looking to include some linguistic variety into your sexual repertoire, look no further. During a perfectly average day of work at Positive Passions, we compiled an incomplete list of all our favourite things to say during sex, with some thematic prompts to inspire you to get creative and get talking in a way that is authentic and natural for you. 

Consent Cues

We put this first because gaining consent is absolutely essential to satisfying sexual experiences with other people. Unfortunately, through insidious social programming and previous sexual experiences, many people are unable to speak for themselves when it comes to matters of consent. This is why the onus is on both parties to make sure that consent is enthusiastic, freely given, and communicated clearly. 

Ask: 

“Do you want to have sex?”

“Can I go down on you right now?”

“Is this okay?”

Say: 

“I’d like to suck your cock now, if I may.”

“I’d love to have sex with you later, once you’re ready.”

“I’m really turned on right now - so if you want to play, let’s go.”

Consent is not something to be quickly gained at the beginning and never re-addressed, either. Consent is ongoing, and should be re-established during love-making sessions as the activities you are engaging in shift and even over time in long-term relationships. It should never be taken for granted that a person wants to have intercourse with you, even if you’re in the middle of hot foreplay or have been together for over a decade, so check in. Body language is a huge part of enthusiastic consent, so verbal check-ins aren’t necessary every time. But, if you’re not checking in with words, be sure you are in tune with your lover and attending to what their body movement is communicating to you. 

Look for:

Writhing

Grasping

Shifts in breathing patterns

Listen for:

Moaning

Sighs

“Yes.”

Directions

It can be really hot to be told what to do. It can also be really hot to tell others what to do. Of course, directing others in the sex department is not a skill that comes naturally to everybody. Without practice it can become overly technical, confusing, infantile, or clumsy. Luckily there are things that you can do to get more comfortable with this kind of sexy talk.

Masturbate. That’s right, if you’re looking for sexy talk material, first make sure you know what you’re talking about. Find the areas of your vulva that responds most pleasurably to touch - is it the upper left quadrant by the clit? Is it the labia surrounding the vaginal opening? Also find what kind of touch you like best. Do you prefer a soft, teasing graze of the skin, or a firm rub? Do you prefer direct stimulation or pressure applied through the folds of the outer labia or clitoral hood? Learn about your own arousal patterns and what kind of stimulation feels best at different levels of arousal. This goes for you folks with penises, too: Do you like a firm grasp or a light slide over the surface of the skin? Do you like stimulation of your scrotum or prostate? Get to know what you like so you can share this with your partner.

Say:

“A little to the left.”

“Harder!”

“Right there.”

Request:

“Pinch my nipples.”

“Let’s get the lube.”

“Can we try _ ?”

It can also be really helpful for you and your partner to talk about sex outside the bedroom. You might find it easier to tell your sex partner what you want from them when you’re not in the heat of the moment. The more often we talk about sex, the more familiar we become with the feel and shape of those words in our mouths and this might make it easier to speak those words spontaneously during sex. Improving your sexual communication also deepens intimacy between couples and can greatly facilitate you both getting what you want. You may also be able to develop your own code words or succinct commands that you can use to express complex actions or positions without needing to elaborate in between thrusts. Simply saying “sleigh ride” can be a lot sexier in the heat of sex than saying “I want to lay on my side with my lower leg straight and my top leg bent, while you straddle my lower leg and hold onto my top leg to help you thrust deeper.”

Say:

“Can we do it doggy style?”

“Do that thing you do to my clitoris.”

“Let’s use your favorite toy this time.”

Words of Affirmation

The risk of giving directions during sex is that it can make people feel insecure about their ability to provide pleasure. This need not be the case, though. Words of affirmation to the rescue! These can help establish both consent and direction, all while making your partner feel confident and sexy. If telling your partner where and how to touch you is still uncomfortable to you, words of affirmation are a great place to start. They reinforce what a person is doing right and, when well-timed, can communicate what you enjoy and want to experience more of during sex. It’s also just really sexy to express that YES you are a sexual being and YES you are enjoying this and YES you are enjoying your partner and what they are doing to/with you.  

Say:

“More please.”

“That’s the spot.”

“Don’t stop!”

Romance

Related to words of affirmation, romantic talk is about affirming your feelings and desire for the person you are with. These statements are heartfelt, thoughtful, and, importantly, genuine! Much of romance is produced by the quality of your actions and words. When you are present and intentional, moments become romantic. Make eye contact. Match your rhythm and/or breath. Slow down. You can touch a person’s skin, or you can feel a person. Often your lover can tell the difference.

Say:

“I love you.”

“There’s nowhere else I’d rather be right now.”

“You’re so beautiful.”

“Mon amour.” 

Dirty Talk

Even people who are very professional or tame in their usual conduct might enjoy dirty talk in the bedroom. One reason is because talking dirty can help us to separate our “everyday” selves from “the person having sex right now”, thus relieving inhibitions and allowing for greater intellectual and emotional freedom during sex. Usually dirty talk involves the common profanities: fuck, shit, bitch, slut, whore, cock, etc. Swearing is a language of instinct and emotion and it can help us to connect with and feel the release that sex is leading us towards. 

Say:

“Fuck me/Fuck yes!”

“Goddamn, that feels so good.”

“You’re a naughty little beast.”

Dirty talk can also be commands, or content related to certain fantasies or fetishes that you have. They can be sexy threats about things you are going to do to your partner. You can narrate a fantasy or describe the plot line of a erotic video you watched recently. There’s really no limit to what can be used as dirty talk. Oftentimes it’s less important what you say exactly, and rather it’s about how you say it and how it is received by your partner. When it comes to dirty talk, some checking in is necessary as you both find what works for you and what turns you off. 

Command:

“Give it to me hard!”

“Take me now.”

“Get on top of me.”

Say:

“I’m going to spank you.”

“If you keep doing that, I will have to punish you.”

“I will tie you up and [saucy detail].”

Sound Effects

Sometimes we’re so enraptured by pleasure that words escape us completely. In these times ooh’s, aah’s, and mmhmm’s are a great way to communicate that you’re enjoying yourself. Sound effects are a great way to express personality and tone during sex as well. Do you like it innocent and cute? You can giggle or squeal in high tones. Do you like it rough? Make some animal noises or low, rumbling grumbles to set the mood. Our sound effects can really help us tune into our bodies, as well. If we allow our sexuality to be embodied in our voice and breath, we may come to more fully appreciate and feel the pleasures of sexual activity. 

Try:

Growl/purr/roar

Groan/moan/squeal

Sigh/hiss/gasp

Coming

It’s a serious turn on to see, feel, and hear someone have an orgasm! Instead of being silent about it, let your partner know. Body language is also really useful as we rise to climax, both to get your partner involved in your pleasure and also to check that they are ready for your orgasm. Maybe it would be better for you to redirect and hold off your orgasm for a short time so that they can experience one before or with you. You might never know unless you ask. 

Ask:

“Can I come now?”

“How do you want to finish this?”

“What can we do for you?”

Say:

“Keep doing that and I’ll come”

“I’m about to come/I’m coming!”

“I feel that/I feel you.”

Exclaim:

“Uh-huh!”

“Yes!”

“It’s time!”

Afterplay

Sexy talk doesn’t have to end when the sex does! The best foreplay is afterplay. Keep the steam roiling with compliments, hints, and teases, beginning immediately afterwards and continuing throughout the hours/days/weeks until the next time you get together. 

Say:

"I liked that."

“I love this time we spend together grin/wink.”

"I can't wait until I can get you alone again."

Need More Inspiration?

Still having trouble getting out of your head for sexy talk? The best advice is simply: have fun with it! Sex doesn’t need to be serious. Let yourself be silly. Consider it play acting if that helps. 

It can help you to have words to work with. Look up educational graphics about human genitals and erogenous zones and learn what the different parts are called. But, this doesn’t need to be entirely clinical either. Did you know there are 525 different words and phrases for penis!? Similarly, there are 342 different ways to refer to a vagina. They vary from silly and crude to sultry and specific. Of course not all of them will feel good for you, but perhaps in the depths of these lists you’ll find your new favorite word for your ahem ... parts. 

You can also find material from watching romance or erotic films or reading novels or short story erotica. If anything, these materials can help you get a sense for what you do and don’t enjoy so you can begin to develop a vocabulary for yourself. If you’re using print media, you can read the scenes aloud to get practice with how it feels to say the different narratives and words in your own voice. Then, follow what feels good to you and practice what feels unnatural until you are comfortable with it (if you want to, of course!)

Pornography can also serve as source material. Don’t take all your advice from porn, though! The interesting thing about using pornography is that you can access an inside view to a variety of genres. The language used in a session of BDSM is significantly different that what you’ll hear in lesbian porn, which is different again from what you’ll hear in hentai. The benefit of this is it can break you out of habits and expectations and get you thinking in new, sultry ways. 

With a bit of practice and a willingness to be creative, you can soon be a natural at sexy talk!

"Let's do this again sometime wink."

By the Positive Passions Team

Affiliate Consultant /Influencer Victoria